Saturday, July 17, 2010

Quick Thoughts

Don't think I've been this happy in a long time...

The tiny little source of my heart burn. :)

My son and husband rolled into one little being.

Thought today of the events that saved this little guy's life... an integral part of it has to do with me FINALLY getting contractions. People who know my history know I don't get them - ever. My son was a week overdue and I still didn't know what a contraction felt like until pitocin was running though my iv (then I wanted to die, but threw up instead).
Same with my second.
I began contracting with Jackson but not until he died. I think my body knew it was over and so began contracting.
Nothing with Claire.
So think how EXCITED we were that I began having contractions about 2 weeks ago! So happy! I was finally doing it! And maybe I would be able to go into labor on my own with this little man.
That was not the reason for the contractions.
It was because without them constricting the cord that was around his neck - medical records are saying now 6 times, around his body 2 times, he would not have failed non stress tests. He still would have languished and lost his activeness, as he did the last 2 days. But he'd pass an NST because the only time his heart rate wasn't up to par was when I was contracting. He still moved, just more weakly.
I feel like, therefore, this was part of the plan to cue docs to pay attention. As my new dear Colorado friend knows, who lost her full term daughter just 2 mths ago to a cord accident, docs don't think of -DON'T LOOK FOR CORD PROBS. If your baby has a heart beat and moves at all they send you home with a piece of candy and tell you to come back in a few days.
My husband saw poor Trey's situation as he was pulled out and shivers- he would have been dead SOON. You couldn't see his neck at all. It was not like one little cord layed out like a necklace around him. It was so think in its twists that it was flush with his chin. As he grew it tightened.
 I have a 4D US pic that was taken just a few hours before he was born. Ironically, you can see the cord RIGHT UNDER HIS CHIN! Can't wait to post it, but don't have a scanner here at the hospital. But right here, with the best of the best, a doc looked me in the eye when I asked him to look over the cord on an US before we delivered, and he said, "the cord is a non-issue. What your son is doing," he pointed to the monitor showing the decells, "that has nothing to do with the cord." He's a good doc. But he was way off, as 9:19 PM proved.

I feel like Trey's cord was wrapped around his neck and arm for a long time. I have seen it in US pics since he was like 22 wks. I think he lived with it as long as he could. I feel vastly grateful that he was able to make it to a sustainable age, and a good one at that (33 wks) before God knew it was that precarious time that he had to be born or die.
 I'm grateful for Jackson's life and death teaching me that even when the best experts tell you there's no pattern with cord accidents, they are wrong and I needed to find the patterns myself.
I'm grateful for Claire's sufferings - which were great, because without her tragic life and loss, the docs wouldn't even have taken this seriously. Only because of her mysterious death and heavy anemia/hydrops diagnosis did they think they better error on caution's side when deciding whether or not to test Trey more. While they were trying only to prevent another Claire type loss, they "accidentally" prevented a Jackson type loss. They thought they were racing against anemia to save him, but they were racing against a cord.

I'm thankful to you who couldn't sleep with me as I couldn't sleep...I have not been able to communicate until now, but it meant a lot to me that while i was panicking in the hosp and the nights before I got there, so were a few others. It meant a lot that you knew how much this meant to us, how tragic the last 3 years have been and how closely linked these days were to them. Thank you for worrying with us. It means the world to me. I think it means a lot to my babies too.

And want some TMI? Like I am good at? I really keep feeling like my two kids are here and just STARING at me and Blue! I feel like they are thrilled to be a part of this experience that gives their family such joy that we haven't had in SOOO long. They are truly happy for us. And I feel bad - I want to tell them I wanted to oogle over them instead of weep over them. I wanted them just as much. I still do. Not even Trey can replace them. I still miss them. I don't want them to feel "moved on" from. But I can't believe the pure love that must exist on the other side because I only sense that they are most happy for us and wanting to bless us more. They do all that they can. They are not jealous.
BTW, hope Blue doesn't mind, this morning he took me to a room and showed me what he saw - first thing this a.m. He entered a room, alone, and on the wall were two wall hangings. One of a butterfly and one of a dragonfly. I was so moved. I want him to take a pic and if he does I will post it.

22 comments:

Alicia said...

So glad to hear things are still going well. I am so excited and cannot wait to see him. I am so glad things turned out the way they did and you followed your maternal instincts. Congratulations and prayers are still with you and Trey to have a full and healthy recovery.

Kathleen said...

Kelly, I'm bawling with joy and pure happiness for you and your miracle baby and your beautiful family and your angel babies who had a bigger hand in Trey's entrance into this world than we will probably ever know in this life, even with all the details that are finally clicking and linking together. Trey is beautiful, you are exquisitely gorgeous, and as soon as I got a good look at the photo of you holding Trey, I immediately sensed your newfound happiness and the tears starting coming. I can't even express how absolutely happy I am for you! How beautiful that Blue found the butterfly and the dragonfly! Oh, I love Jackson and Claire so much and can barely wait to meet them someday! I am thankful for the doctors and how everything just "happened" in such a way to get Trey here healthy and strong. I hadn't had the chance to check your blog since early this morning, and I love Blue's post and yours and your Trey Samuel has the perfect name and is the handsomest miracle baby I've ever seen!

Jill and Cameron said...

Oh Kelly I can't even see through my tears of joy for you. I'm so glad I avoided sleep tonight to see this post. The first pic got me, you are beautiful and so is your new little man. It's true, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Thank you for sharing your personal journey and teaching me. You are an amazing woman, and I'm so glad Jackson and Claire were/are there with you. Families are forever, and you and your family have strengthened my testimony of that. I can not wait to see you and meet Trey. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If there is anything we can do to help please do not hesitate to call! I wish you were here I would give you the BIGGEST hug ever!!!! :)

JennC said...

So happy to see you holding Trey! His whole story is amazing. I'm so proud of you for not being passive! Trey is so handsome! I'm so happy for your family!!!

Pam said...

OK, you pulled at my heart strings this morning...what a beautiful story and even more beautiful little Trey. Thanks for the picture posts; you look pretty content. WHEW..

Keri said...

Kelly so happy for you guys. You look wonderful and he is gorgeous. Cant wait to see you guys. If you need anything let me know.

Los Torrientes said...

You all look so wonderful. He is a gorgeous little man and it sounds like he's got a lot of love from all sides of the veil helping him. Thank you so much for posting your experiences for all of us who care so much! The pictures are wonderful. I am so excited to hear about how all of his siblings (here and in Heaven) continue to show their love for you all. Awesome.

Bri said...

At last, at last! I feel like God just showed me His face.
I am in shock and awe over the events that lead to his birth. You look radiant. I am so excited to see you again!

Mommy Karen said...

blue and kelly, i am so happy for you! sounds like you have had some wonderful "tender mercies" given to you throughout this preg.your baby is so cute, and i think he looks like blue as well. i have always been thankful for "mothers instinct". no one knows better than a mom what is happening with our children. i wish i could see this baby trey samuel. i love you and blue.tell all hello for me. (by the way this is favorite cousin karen (haught) arnett)

LexieandJeremy said...

Kelly & Blue,
i am crying very happy & joyful tears for your family! it has been a rough 3 years but you have a beautiful blessing to show for it! Your strength and patience it amazing, i cant wait to hold that precious baby boy! lots of love, lexie

Rennie said...

Kelly and Blue, We are so thrilled that things are going so well with Trey and that he is so healthy for being a preemie. Prayers will be continued in behalf of your entire family. Hugs.

Kaitlin Hakes said...

Oh Kelly we are so happy for you and your family!!! I'm so grateful for the spirit and that it directed you to save little Treys life! It makes my stomach turn imagining that poor little guy strangling, what an amazing mom you are to know that something was not right for him! He is so beautiful!! Congratulations!!!!

The Durans said...

congratulations! Glad you are so happy and Trey is doing well. I will keep you ir our prayers :)

Lunt Family said...

I am so glad that everything is working out for your family. When I heard you delivered early I was praying so hard that everything would work out and I am so glad to hear things are going good. I was so glad to read your post today after church because even though I was crying, it was and is tears of joy and a great way to end church. I will continue to keep you guys in our prayers.

Zel. said...

I'm so happy for you and your family.Trey is a cutie! We'll keep you and your family in our prayers and hope that Trey gets to come home soon.. :)

Erica said...

These pictures are precious. I am so happy for you and am so grateful for your inspirational words. He is beautiful.

Holly Garvin said...

Yea!!!!! I'm so happy for you guys. He is beautiful.

Mindy said...

Congratulations! I have goosebumps after reading all of the recent posts regarding Trey's birth. You are just radiating in that first picture, I can only imagine your elation!

The Scotts said...

Kelly I am so happy for you guys!!!! Let us know what we can do to help and we will continue to pray for your family and the doctors!!

The Scotts said...

And I forgot to mention that you look so happy and beautiful and he is so cute!!!

Teresa said...

Kelly, I am so happy for you and your family! I can't wait to give you a big hug. wow, what an amazing journey. Trey is so precious!!! Please let me know if you need help with anything...I mean it. Love you kelly.

Ashleigh said...

I am so happy for your family! He is precious! Congratulations!