We were in Colorado on Claire's second birthday. I was overwhelmed that it's been two years. I can't belive it. If time did not confirm this, I wouldn't believe it. Time in my life has stood still. I remember carrying her, feeling grateful each day as she moved, then worried sick when she stopped. I remember the progression leading to her delivery in the hospital all too well. The time with her, alive and dead, is too overwhelming at times to recall, though it is priceless for me.
When it comes down to it, I miss her. I had a relationship, subtle an unspoken, with her, and it's sad to go on without her here. I miss her little personality.
Luckily, we drove right by the graveyard on our way to Colorado. It felt really good to stop there. I certainly felt sadder this year than last.
I hoped to see a dragonfly on Claire's birthday, but didn't expect it. I guessed that being on vacation there would be a lot of distractions. Well, this is why we need our friends! My friend - who also lost a little girl, called me into the front room. She spotted the biggest dragon fly I have ever seen sitting right outside the front door! It stayed there for a while, when flew right at me before it fluttered around the yard for the next several minutes. It was really encouraging. Of course, I didn't get my camera in time! But, I cherish the memory, and it means even more that a dear friend looked for me. We all need each other!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
My daughter starts third grade tomorrow. She's been pretty nervous about it all summer. She moved to a new school half way through the year and had a hard time making friends, as well as a less than sweet teacher. She just found out that her new teacher is the "mean" teacher in the school! I'm HOPING that rumor is nothing more than that. But still, she was scared as we went to meet her today. Guess who sits next to my Ami? A boy named Porter. And behind her? A boy named Jackson. Her brother in heaven is named Porter Jackson. I smiled, feeling like he was letting her know he'll be watching out for her this year, maybe hanging with her when she's lonely. Ami feels much better about starting school tomorrow now! She's convinced her teacher is 99% nice and she's got her backpack ready and her clothes laid out!