The morning was made all the more emotional but also enriching when we saw my doctor and nurse there. It meant so much that they care about the lives of these lost babies. It takes a certain courage to face death, especially when it's from the tiny and pure and helpless.
The kids had a blast. Caidgen wanted to race. Ami wanted to be carried. And, in the mix of it they naturally found outdoor entertainment.
I was overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions when Blue told me about a little conversation with Amie. We told her it was a walk to remember Jackson. She wondered if everyone was there to remember him. I explained that some were, but others were walking to remember babies they knew and loved.
Later, with Blue, she pointed ahead of them and asked if that was the road to heaven... She thought we were walking to heaven to visit the babies.
How I wished it were true. How I longed for such an idea - that had never before crossed my mind - to be feasible. That all the grieving could meet together on a special day and make a trek to heaven where they might spend a few precious moments with loved ones.
Once again I was reminded that Amaris sees a different world than I do.
Thanks for coming, Mom. Even though I cried a lot, I felt like I was being filled with a cooling strength and comfort. We are not alone in our sorrows. The children are not alone in their experiences, both here and beyond.
I'm grateful for events like this that remind me our community is filled with humble, caring people who want to do something to make life easier, better for others.
Thanks to Susan Friedman, the social worker at Shea who did so much to create this event.
The morning's poem -
I walk to remember
The steps you'll never take.
I carry you with me
As I firmly plant my feet.
Our trek started long ago,
Before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew-
Like butterfly wings that beat.
Your gentle flutters then became
Kicks upon which I would dwell.
And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
About the world you soon would meet.
The sun always shone upon us then-
When you were in my womb.
And I was eager to show you the world
That would have been your home.
How you'd have loved the sun shining-
Blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning-
The snow falling all around.
The flowers in summer-
Would have filled your eyes with smiles.
And the rain that might have fallen
Would have caused you great surprise.
You would have travelled far with me-
Holding me by the hand,
And I'd have shown you all I could-
More than I can imagine.
You hold my HEART tightly now,
As though we're holding hands.
How far we've traveled, little one-
And my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart,
As firmly plant my feet.
Kathie Rataj Mayo