Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Claire's 2nd birthday

We were in Colorado on Claire's second birthday. I was overwhelmed that it's been two years. I can't belive it. If time did not confirm this, I wouldn't believe it. Time in my life has stood still. I remember carrying her, feeling grateful each day as she moved, then worried sick when she stopped. I remember the progression leading to her delivery in the hospital all too well. The time with her, alive and dead, is too overwhelming at times to recall, though it is priceless for me.
When it comes down to it, I miss her. I had a relationship, subtle an unspoken, with her, and it's sad to go on without her here. I miss her little personality.
Luckily, we drove right by the graveyard on our way to Colorado. It felt really good to stop there. I certainly felt sadder this year than last.
I hoped to see a dragonfly on Claire's birthday, but didn't expect it. I guessed that being on vacation there would be a lot of distractions. Well, this is why we need our friends! My friend - who also lost a little girl, called me into the front room. She spotted the biggest dragon fly I have ever seen sitting right outside the front door! It stayed there for a while, when flew right at me before it fluttered around the yard for the next several minutes. It was really encouraging. Of course, I didn't get my camera in time! But, I cherish the memory, and it means even more that a dear friend looked for me. We all need each other!


Bri said...

This is so strange...I found Claire's funeral program today in my vanity drawer. I remember that at her service, I was too mad to cry. I started reading the words to that "God Be With You" song...at the part about Jesus's feet I started SOBBING. Like, out of nowhere. I was thinking of her today, and of you, too. I gave Ellie some extra hugs and kisses, let me tell you!

Erica said...

So sweet to have such a good friend. What a special person you are. I am inspired by you all the time

Los Torrientes said...

Happy Birthday, Claire! You are thought of and missed by so many, more often than you know. Your family is so strong and beautiful- I know that you're proud of them and grateful that they're yours forever. Sending lots of love to your family today and always. You are a beautiful angel!

Jenn Comolli said...

I'm sure Claire and Jackson are having a little party together tomorrow. :) Thinking of you and your family, especially then.