Saturday, July 10, 2010

Claire's First Birthday

Wow! Is my husband good or what? This was waiting for me when I woke up. A beautiful memory box for Claire. The frame is one I wanted throughout my pregnancy with her. Every time I went to Hobby Lobby to get it, they were out. It holds an ultrasound pic. A year after she left us, I finally got it. :) He also found a glass dragonfly, the symbol we occasionally see to let us know she's around. The blanket is the one she used in the hospital. The pic was of her. The bear is new - he said for me to hold when I am missing her most. And the card - what a way with words my husband has. I am thankful to have him to go through this trial with.
This is special. My husband said he felt a strong impression that Claire wanted me to have something. He was led to this cross - which has the scripture that I have up on my fridge, actually. It's how we chose Trey's middle name - Samuel. An Old Testament story talks of a Hannah, who couldn't have babies. She went to the temple, poured out her heart to God for a "man child." A priest told her, without hearing what her specific prayer was, that God heard and would honor her prayer. She got pregnant and had Samuel, calling him that because "for this child I have prayed." We identify with Hannah - have been praying for a child since 2006! Claire wanted to tell us that we will have this baby. She wanted to give us comfort of this on her birth and death day.
My brother and sister in law gave us flowers and a card! That was so thoughtful of them. We were relieved, honestly, that people remembered her birthday, and that people were so kind about it. It made me feel so good to have the calls and texts and of course these flowers!
My genius friend Jeni gave us a gift card to Build A Bear after Jackson died. She thought it might be really good for the kids to go and make something to remember him by. Well, Blue took Caidgen, but forgot the card! We thought this was a perfect time. My daughter named her pony Claire. My son named his bear Trey. They LOVED this! They asked if we could do it again on Jackson's birthday.
My son rubbing the bear's heart on his muscle so his bear would be strong.
Though it did not rain, there was a rainbow in the sky as we drove home. There was a rainbow on Claire's funeral day as well. This was not the only similarity. The weather was the same temp - 111. Yucky, but cool nonetheless. It was a hot day, then clouded over and got stormy looking in the evening, as it did towards the end of her funeral.
Also, this same "hole broke through the clouds," as it was on her funeral day. There were 2 clouds like this. The kids shouted - one for Claire and Jackson to look through to see us and one for Grandma Haught to look through!
My husband wanted to read what he wrote on her birthday. He got on the computer - it said 7:04 am, the exact time she was born. Stuff like that happened through the day, and we felt like there was a connection with her. Is that too much information? It means so much to me I just want to share with others who care!
Our balloon release with notes for Claire. My sweet mom and step dad also did this - at sunset. We of course, missed the exact sunset! We're like that... but we were there shortly after. So miles away, two families were releasing balloons for Claire. :)
SOO sad this is blurry - my son took it! I was SOOO glad my husband's work insisted he take the day off. That was more than they needed to do, and more than I expected. But it was awesome.
This is Claire's first service project --- my husband's idea. My sister in law made me a similar pillow when Jackson died, and I LOVE it. I have never made a pillow or cross stitched. But our friend just lost her little baby girl so we thought we would try this out. We went to a few stores to get the stuff. I did the deed, my husband advised and helped me with misspellings (I am so bad) and my kids stuffed it. I think Claire must have helped me because I NEVER get something right the first time when it comes to sewing. But I love this! I want to make one for Claire too (can't believe I need two...a blue and a pink).
It was a much better day than we anticipated. People specifically told me they were praying for us to have peace. I think it's amazing, because we did. I thought it would be terrible. The memories are terrible. I am so glad not to be in the hospital losing her this year.
There is nothing to compare this situation to. I can't express what we felt, thought, carried with us in that time. We looked at all the pics as a family. My daughter was a little upset at the computer because "it's just trying to make us cry."
I'm thankful my family is still together a year later. I am thankful that we love Claire and there are others in this world as well who love her. I am thankful we could do positive things in remembrance of her. I can't believe we have made it through a year without her, and without her brother. The unthinkable happened, and we are still pushing on. Thank you to everyone who was with us in thoughts and spirit on her birthday. You guys rock.
And btw - I LOVE the Cookies for Claire idea, Andrea! I think we should do that!


Kathleen said...

Kelly, I am so happy July 8, 2010 was filled with peace for you and your family. Blue's gift to you brought tears to my eyes, and all the little but big miracles made me cry more. How beautiful that you knew for a surety that Claire was communicating to you and that she is near you. It still breaks my heart that she can't be with you physically for the time being and that you can't hold her right now, but I think somehow she is holding you and sustaining your family with hope and faith and love. My heart aches for Noelle's mommy; she must love the gift you gave her! Your family is beyond special, there just aren't words to express it or how much you are loved!

audra said...

I'm glad you felt peace on that day, and what tender mercies to have so many signs to remind you of her. God bless you and your sweet family, Kelly, for surviving and pressing forward through the trials and tears. You are amazing people.

JennC said...

What a beautiful day, I'm so glad it was special for you. What a perfect gift Blue had waiting for you. It's amazing all of the little moments you had to remind you that Claire is still so close to your heart. Your post brought me to tears, but happy ones along with the sad. Your pillow came out great! I'm sure your friend will be thankful to have it as time passes.

I love Trey's middle name. Very fitting. I can't wait to see pictures of him, when he's itty bitty and when celebrating birthdays with family and friends as the years come and go.

S. and A. Millar said...

Kelly, Blue has always been so thoughtful, and he really put some thought into that box! How lucky you are to have such a supportive hubby during this trying time! I love all the "coincedences" that occured during her birthday. Truely blessings from Heavenly Father, letting you know she is near and with you! I'm so glad you had peace during such a hard day, and were able to create such good memories in Clairs name! Love you!
Also I'm glad you liked the cookies for Clair idea, let me know what the best thing for me to do in helping you do that. I'm available to help in any way you need!!!

Nuestra Familia said...

Your post brings a huge smile to my face. That's so awesome Blue found the perfect gift, there are never many guys at hobby lobby. Your hubby is the best! All your pictures are beautiful, that's really cool about the rainbow and the clouds. You are amazing Kelly and you look really great. Love your baby's name. Samuel is my dad's name and we are using it for this baby too. I love that you wrote about that story, I didn't know about it.