31 weeks

29 wks - I think! My daughter LOVES to love on Trey. She wasn't like that with the last two. So this is sweet. Sometimes she just walks up and pats the belly, "Trey, you better live! Do you hear me?" Mostly she calls him cute and whispers that everything is okay...

WHY do I avoid the blog these days? I don't know... It's certainly not because babies and losses are not on my mind. I don't know... I am still monitoring three times a day. And starting Tuesday I begin going to the doc twice a week for Non Stress Tests and Ultrasounds. It's just hard to talk about I guess.

I passed the gestational day that I lost Claire: 29wks 5 days. It was on Father's Day (I did not bring that up to my husband). But even though it made me so sad to be taken back to that painful and stressful time in the hospital, I was grateful that I knew without a doubt that Trey was healthier than his sis, that he was not suffering like she was at that point. He was kicking and moving a lot all day. She was maddeningly still even weeks prior.

When I hit 30 wks I felt a HUGE weight lifted off - one because I "beat" Claire's time and two because babys are just more viable after 30 wks. I knew that even if he got anemic now, he'd be better off than Claire was. She GOT anemic long before she was born.

Generally I feel better about everything - shocker!

Now I have only Jackson's demise to worry about, which unfortunately is a threat until the last day. I do believe 100% that my babies are more likely to have cord complications because I think a genetic style of cord is not a strong as others and I may make that one. But the twice weekly monitoring will help track Trey's cord performance.

I feel that I have to exercise faith now. If the Creator of life told me "he will live" I have to go with that. It helps calm me down when the baby's not moving at night, or like yesterday, when he was NOT moving at 1:00pm like usual. People think faith is a crutch - ha! Faith is HARD work! It's hard to believe something that goes against your logic! It's hard to trust and act on it. Certainly it tests me.

So this week two of my friends had healthy babys and two others lost babies. It's been hard. Lots of emotions going around. My poor husband doesn't want to hear any more about it. :)

Oh! And in the two ultrasound I've had since the last post - Trey's blood levels have hardly raised in his brain. Translation - he's still at the "high end of normal" and not anemic. My husband and I honestly are surprised! His levels have gone up by at least 10 every time. These last two times, no more than about 6. It's been a wonderful surprise that he's hangin on to the normal. :)