Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Bereaved Parents Wish List

A friend sent me this list today. What do you think? I am posting it in hopes it will speak to someone and make them feel affirmed in their feelings.
I miss my kids.

(Came across this on the Facebook site of Gail Mahar.... Thought you might like)

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List
~Author Unknown~
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had my child back.
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my Childs name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that my child was important to you as well.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears.

You have talked about my child and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing my child’s pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that she is dead.

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for very long times so don’t frustrate yourself.

I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.

I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.


Kami said...

Thanks for posting, it's all so true!

Kathleen said...

Kelly, this list expresses the feelings of thousands that millions do not or will never understand (thankfully). Through the birth of this blog, I feel that all your posts synthesize even more beautifully than this list into the outlines of an afflicted soul who has learned more deeply to love life and her family. Thank you for sharing your pain and your sublime joy. I'm so happy you are once more tasting sheer happiness on a frequent, daily basis. And your joy is more exquisite as a result of your journey. Love you!

Stock Family said...

Love it all. It works with losing a spouse too and its good for people to know what you are really going through instead of saying things that don't come out right :)