I'm happy to report that for the first time in a long long time I feel happy! So happy each day to mother my boy. So happy to have him in our family, to see him light up my husband and kids with joy. I love my life. I love watching Trey, my miracle grow each day.
Of course, it still literally nauseates me to think of him choking on his cord, or of his brother and sister losing strength and health and dying inside me. I feel anger at the current OB world that won't recognize or research cord related deaths. I have to push out feelings of ache for my angel babies because wanting them here with me will only make me sick, since that is one wish I can not have.
But honestly, what a distraction caring for Trey is. I see his siblings in him each day and love on him more since I can't love on them. I love my boy!!!!