"Trey" - my 6th pregnancy

That's right; we're having another baby. We are 19 weeks now. These photos are at 18 weeks. Notice how SKINNY the baby is in the 3D pic! I know it's normal at 18 weeks, but seeing it made me just want to gain weight! (No probs there.)

My husband and I prayed a lot about having another baby. He didn't want to do it if it would die. We felt peace about it in December - not any big Moses moment answer, but feelings of peace. So we decided to try in January.

I was already pregnant. Just for TMI, I must have ovulated WAY late in November and made this little guy.

We thought right off he was a boy, mainly because I was so sick. Boys make me want to die. To add to it, my husband over time had 3 dreams that we had a little boy. I had one early on - that we had a boy and he was small. So, knowing now as I do that we never know how long these babies get to stay with us, I went at 16 weeks to a free ultrasound at at PHX school to find the sex out ASAP. (Thanks so my sister in law for the reference.) I wanted - and still do - to see this baby as much as I could because we just don't know how long he will be with us. He's here now, and I want my kids to enjoy him while they can. Luckily, they were able to see boy parts. :) Our dreams weren't crazy. He moved a lot! Looked normal size and without any obvious probs.

The detailed scan at 18 weeks showed us he's still a boy and still healthy. They even did a cross section of an artery in his brain and determined he's not anemic like Claire was! This is amazing technology to me. Had my last doc done this weeks before I had her, when I first complained of decreased movement it would have revealed what was going on a lot earlier. But I don't write that out of anger. I believe she was meant to be born the day she was. I know even if they found her hydrops sooner, her chances of survival were SLIM. For myself personally, I can have peace. For the millions of moms out there though, who feel something's not right, I say, go to someone else if your trusted doc blows you off. You are usually right.

I digress. So, we are on the horse again, as they say. You'd think it would make me happier, or lesson the grieving. No. I miss my lost kids a lot. I will miss them until I can get to know them someday. But this pregnancy does give me something to forward focus on. And it does help my children A LOT. My daughter was at first really upset about it. She said she didn't want another baby because all our babies just die. But she's the one who's so gushy with me and who talks to the baby every day now. She's come around and now she's quite attached. Just this a.m. she was talking to the baby while we got ready. My son said, "who are you talking to?"

She said, "The baby! He can hear us, you know." She hugs my belly daily. I PRAY this baby lives for her sake more than anyone's.

I feel like he will. I have pondered over it daily for many months. From before he was conceived. And I feel like I have recieved a personal answer that he will live. But I try to do my part by seeing a high risk team of docs. I monitor his heart beat every morning and evening. Just last week my friend gave me a blood pressure cuff so I can add that to my regime. I take my pressue at night. There is an unresearched link to low blood pressure and stillborns. My BP is now, during pregnancy, about 95/56. That's way low to me. How can I raise that stuff?!

And last of all, I will hopefully soon add kick counts twice a day to the monitoring. I am FRUSTRATED because my placenta is attached right in the front of my stomach - you know- right where the baby kicks? So he's kicking and I can't feel it. It absorbs the movement. I see him kick a lot on ultrasounds. I hear it in the dopler at home. But I don't feel it. I only am able to feel it really high or really low. I will ask the doc next week if this will change as he gets bigger. How can a mom who NEEDS kick counts have a front-facing placenta?! This is the first time I have ever had one.

So, for the next 19 weeks, I hope to keep updates on this baby. I hope it's so, so boring.