Update on Kelly and Trey

I was asked to update the blog so that everyone can be informed of what is going on.

Kelly and Blue are at the hospital after they and the doctor discovered the blood levels in Trey's brain to be high. They have been running tests and also have found that Trey's heart rate is decelerating now every hour and a half, due to contractions. There will be a blood transfusion tomorrow (PUBS), where they will draw a blood sample from the cord. If they find Trey to be anemic they will begin transfusing him with blood. The doctor believes he is only moderately anemic, due to the elevated blood in his brain.

It seems that these complications are caused most likely from Parvo, though not connected to their son's case who has just recently had the same thing.

It sounds as though after tomorrow's procedure Blue and Kelly and the doctors will have a better idea of where to go from there.

Please keep Kelly, Blue, Trey and their family in your prayers.

-Natasha

Headed to the Hospital

I went to my regular NST appt yest - they had mixed up scheduling so I didn't get an NST, but an ultrasound instead. It was a bio-physical profile. That's a test to check babies movement, practice breathing, etc. He gets 30 min to pass and what you want is a score of 8. It took her quite a while to get him to move and practice breathing, but apparently she was happy with the test.
I was not. He's ALWAYS moved a lot in ultrasounds. The night before also he seemed less active. I asked why they didn't do an MCA test, since I am due for one. They thought I didn't need one anymore -- I asked for one more just for peace of mind. They were fine with that and scheduled it for Friday.

SO - today I went in again for an NST. Baby was moving, but not much and not strong like normal. I was going nuts - am I crazy? They all think I am crazy... but in the past when baby stopped moving something was wrong. Well, he did not produce a normal NST. He got the ultrasound test - 6 of 8. Refused to practice breathing. A 2 or 4 is "baby in distress." A 6 is like, limbo - not a healthy 8 but not rushing you to the hospital.
So they did the MCS dopler to check the blood in his brain - it had jumped up. He's on average about 1.2 and today was 1.7. Big change for him, though it's not a deadly reading. So the doc was like, he's not totally healthy, but we don't need to rush you to delivery either. We'll check it tomorrow and see if he gets worse. If not, he can stay this way until you're term.
But after conversing with the rest of the high risk team, who were split 50/50, they decided we should go to the hospital for more testing. So, as soon as my husband gets here (my mom's) we are headed to Good Sam.
Pray for my SANITY. I am NOT happy about the hosp, though it's good for the baby. It brings back BAD memories and I know I will panic a bit!
Poor baby... so mysterious. We need your prayer for him and for us to keep faith.

Claire's First Birthday

Wow! Is my husband good or what? This was waiting for me when I woke up. A beautiful memory box for Claire. The frame is one I wanted throughout my pregnancy with her. Every time I went to Hobby Lobby to get it, they were out. It holds an ultrasound pic. A year after she left us, I finally got it. :) He also found a glass dragonfly, the symbol we occasionally see to let us know she's around. The blanket is the one she used in the hospital. The pic was of her. The bear is new - he said for me to hold when I am missing her most. And the card - what a way with words my husband has. I am thankful to have him to go through this trial with.

This is special. My husband said he felt a strong impression that Claire wanted me to have something. He was led to this cross - which has the scripture that I have up on my fridge, actually. It's how we chose Trey's middle name - Samuel. An Old Testament story talks of a Hannah, who couldn't have babies. She went to the temple, poured out her heart to God for a "man child." A priest told her, without hearing what her specific prayer was, that God heard and would honor her prayer. She got pregnant and had Samuel, calling him that because "for this child I have prayed." We identify with Hannah - have been praying for a child since 2006! Claire wanted to tell us that we will have this baby. She wanted to give us comfort of this on her birth and death day.

My brother and sister in law gave us flowers and a card! That was so thoughtful of them. We were relieved, honestly, that people remembered her birthday, and that people were so kind about it. It made me feel so good to have the calls and texts and of course these flowers!

My genius friend Jeni gave us a gift card to Build A Bear after Jackson died. She thought it might be really good for the kids to go and make something to remember him by. Well, Blue took Caidgen, but forgot the card! We thought this was a perfect time. My daughter named her pony Claire. My son named his bear Trey. They LOVED this! They asked if we could do it again on Jackson's birthday.

My son rubbing the bear's heart on his muscle so his bear would be strong.

Though it did not rain, there was a rainbow in the sky as we drove home. There was a rainbow on Claire's funeral day as well. This was not the only similarity. The weather was the same temp - 111. Yucky, but cool nonetheless. It was a hot day, then clouded over and got stormy looking in the evening, as it did towards the end of her funeral.

Also, this same "hole broke through the clouds," as it was on her funeral day. There were 2 clouds like this. The kids shouted - one for Claire and Jackson to look through to see us and one for Grandma Haught to look through!

My husband wanted to read what he wrote on her birthday. He got on the computer - it said 7:04 am, the exact time she was born. Stuff like that happened through the day, and we felt like there was a connection with her. Is that too much information? It means so much to me I just want to share with others who care!

Our balloon release with notes for Claire. My sweet mom and step dad also did this - at sunset. We of course, missed the exact sunset! We're like that... but we were there shortly after. So miles away, two families were releasing balloons for Claire. :)

SOO sad this is blurry - my son took it! I was SOOO glad my husband's work insisted he take the day off. That was more than they needed to do, and more than I expected. But it was awesome.

This is Claire's first service project --- my husband's idea. My sister in law made me a similar pillow when Jackson died, and I LOVE it. I have never made a pillow or cross stitched. But our friend just lost her little baby girl so we thought we would try this out. We went to a few stores to get the stuff. I did the deed, my husband advised and helped me with misspellings (I am so bad) and my kids stuffed it. I think Claire must have helped me because I NEVER get something right the first time when it comes to sewing. But I love this! I want to make one for Claire too (can't believe I need two...a blue and a pink).

It was a much better day than we anticipated. People specifically told me they were praying for us to have peace. I think it's amazing, because we did. I thought it would be terrible. The memories are terrible. I am so glad not to be in the hospital losing her this year.

There is nothing to compare this situation to. I can't express what we felt, thought, carried with us in that time. We looked at all the pics as a family. My daughter was a little upset at the computer because "it's just trying to make us cry."

I'm thankful my family is still together a year later. I am thankful that we love Claire and there are others in this world as well who love her. I am thankful we could do positive things in remembrance of her. I can't believe we have made it through a year without her, and without her brother. The unthinkable happened, and we are still pushing on. Thank you to everyone who was with us in thoughts and spirit on her birthday. You guys rock.

And btw - I LOVE the Cookies for Claire idea, Andrea! I think we should do that!

32 weeks

Yesterday began the twice weekly visits to the doc. They do non stress tests twice a week and an amniotic fluid level check once a week. That's combined with the anemia ultrasound checks every two weeks and growth ultrasounds every month. How about those high risk docs?!
Results from yesterday? They said he looked so normal that his results could be posted in a textbook.
I'm grateful that we have gotten this far with him. I remember Claire's docs offering me a lot of testing and monitoring once we got to 32 weeks. I was really unhappy with that - there are a lot of things that can happen BEFORE 32 weeks... And of course we didn't ever get to that wonderfully famous 32 weeks testing with her... It makes me sad. Like she was not looked after as well, and she suffered for it.

I was also reminded of her suffering last week when we realized my son had caught Fifth's Disease...a fairly common childhood virus that is not harmful to him, but can kill a baby in utero. Fifth's Disease was the first thing docs in the ER questioned me about when they saw how hydropic Claire was.... The effects of this virus can cause decrease in bone marrow, anemia, then fetal hydrops. I read about it and it was like reading about exactly what happened to Claire. Granted, the virus or bacteria that killed her was NOT the human parvo virus (Fifth's Disease). She was tested for it and results were negative. It was just ridiculously ironic that such a virus with such potential came into my home with this baby. My kids have never had Fifth's Disease.
I had blood drawn last Friday to see if I have been infected. The good news is that even if so, at 30 weeks, it's highly unlikely that it would hurt the baby that much. It's younger babies that are susceptible to it's deadly side effects.

Tomorrow is Claire's birth and death day. I want to do some type of service... I thought that if every year we do some service in her name, think of all the good her life will accomplish. Because she lived, others will benefit. But I have NO creativity in pregnancy... have no ideas what to do! Any thoughts?
Any other suggestions about what to do for her birthday? My daughter wants to write her a message and do a balloon release. I may make her a cake, though the thought of her not being able to make a mess with it makes me cry, so I may just skip that all together. My kids don't need to see me crying...
Any other ideas?

31 weeks

29 wks - I think! My daughter LOVES to love on Trey. She wasn't like that with the last two. So this is sweet. Sometimes she just walks up and pats the belly, "Trey, you better live! Do you hear me?" Mostly she calls him cute and whispers that everything is okay...

WHY do I avoid the blog these days? I don't know... It's certainly not because babies and losses are not on my mind. I don't know... I am still monitoring three times a day. And starting Tuesday I begin going to the doc twice a week for Non Stress Tests and Ultrasounds. It's just hard to talk about I guess.

I passed the gestational day that I lost Claire: 29wks 5 days. It was on Father's Day (I did not bring that up to my husband). But even though it made me so sad to be taken back to that painful and stressful time in the hospital, I was grateful that I knew without a doubt that Trey was healthier than his sis, that he was not suffering like she was at that point. He was kicking and moving a lot all day. She was maddeningly still even weeks prior.

When I hit 30 wks I felt a HUGE weight lifted off - one because I "beat" Claire's time and two because babys are just more viable after 30 wks. I knew that even if he got anemic now, he'd be better off than Claire was. She GOT anemic long before she was born.

Generally I feel better about everything - shocker!

Now I have only Jackson's demise to worry about, which unfortunately is a threat until the last day. I do believe 100% that my babies are more likely to have cord complications because I think a genetic style of cord is not a strong as others and I may make that one. But the twice weekly monitoring will help track Trey's cord performance.

I feel that I have to exercise faith now. If the Creator of life told me "he will live" I have to go with that. It helps calm me down when the baby's not moving at night, or like yesterday, when he was NOT moving at 1:00pm like usual. People think faith is a crutch - ha! Faith is HARD work! It's hard to believe something that goes against your logic! It's hard to trust and act on it. Certainly it tests me.

So this week two of my friends had healthy babys and two others lost babies. It's been hard. Lots of emotions going around. My poor husband doesn't want to hear any more about it. :)

Oh! And in the two ultrasound I've had since the last post - Trey's blood levels have hardly raised in his brain. Translation - he's still at the "high end of normal" and not anemic. My husband and I honestly are surprised! His levels have gone up by at least 10 every time. These last two times, no more than about 6. It's been a wonderful surprise that he's hangin on to the normal. :)

A Brief Scare

I never took pictures when I was pregnant with Claire. It was still too hard to enjoy anything. But I wish I had more now...

I realize that I don't take pics now either! So a few weeks ago before bed I had Blue snap this - just in case we don't take others! It's Trey at 25 weeks. I hope to do another one today - but it will be my kids taking it since my husband won't be home at all. :) We're real pros around here.

So I was able to address my concerns at my last doc visit, but they were all overshadowed by them telling us that our baby is anemic now. It was a huge blow - within seconds all our other thoughts/worries disappeared. It's one thing to get pregnant with the possibility that you might have to bury this next baby, but an entire other intensity to be suddenly in the "sick baby" place again.

Long story short, the NP told us there was nothing they could do at this point, just keep monitoring him and if he gets really bad to an in-uturo blood transfusion. So many questions.....

I called the doc and he said--- the NP interpreted the results of our MCA a little wrong and misinformed us! I would be so mad if I was not so relieved! Our son's readings went from the low end of the normal zone to the high end of the normal zone (in two weeks). But he was still in the normal zone. No anemia.

That was exactly 2 weeks ago. 26 weeks. He was just shy of 2lbs. Not ready to be born.

Today I go for another MCA reading. I am hopeful that he will be ok, as he moves like MAD. But even if he's getting anemic, at least he's older than my daughter was when she got it. He's got more of a chance.

Anyone with high-risk pregs ever wish they could go back to being ignorantly happy, never monitoring their baby but happily painting nursery's with a confidence that all would be well? I am grateful I had that once. It will never be experienced again in my life. I can't wait for all this to be over. My husband and kids feel the same way.