Friday, September 3, 2010

Porter Jackson, 7lbs, 6oz

Trey Samuel, 7lbs, 6oz
Trey after a nice long feeding

I noticed something amiss on Trey's man parts today when I changed his diaper. Off to the Doctor we went, where when placed upon the scale, the weight 7lbs 6oz came up. The numbers popped at me. I went into the room to wait for the doc and held Trey close as I cried and cried. This was a moment I had hoped for anxiously. Turns out there is nothing wrong with his man parts, but I am so grateful to have had the scare that took me in to the doc today of all days. This is likely the only day Trey will weigh the same as his brother did at birth. I really wanted to know when he weighed the same so I could hold Jackson one more I could look on a frame that was similar to his. They aren't built exactly the same, though they have the same hands and feet and mouth and possibly eyes. But their weights as I held them in my arms, exactly the same.
It took me back, as I rocked Trey in the office, to delivery day. This time his little body did not grow colder as I held him. This time his chest fluttered to it's own unique rhythms. I'm so thankful for this time, and I'm yearning for two years ago again. One more day with Jackson...Actually, I want a lifetime with him, but I would take one day as a close second. Man, I miss him. I shake my head and hope to God that He'll give me Jack as a baby again, that one day, I guess when "day" may not even mean what it does now, that I'll get to raise my baby. I have to trust that He will make it all right.
I'm so grateful for my little Trey. And I am thankful for today, catching the 7lbs, 6oz in time.
any ideas what we should do Tuesday, Jackson's 2-yr birthday memorial? I CAN'T believe we've made it two years. Go us!
We will do some sort of service in addition to anything else. If anyone wants to remember him, please feel free to do some service in his honor. :) What a way to make him live through you.


Julie and Joel Montgomery said...

Kelly!! As I am reading your post, I just realized that Caleb was due 7/8, and he was 7lbs 6 oz when he was born. It's as if he has part of Claire and Jackson in him too...don't you think?? Quite the amazing coincidence...

Bri said...

I am so glad this happened for you. I will celebrate Jackson on Tuesday! I can't believe he and Gracie were only about 6 months apart. That is so so strange and sad.

Naomi said...

It really feels like Jackson keeps playing angelic tricks for you to feel close to him. Even though he is not physically with you, I think you are blessed with a great son. I know you will get to raise him once you two reunite and he will be amazing and will make you proud. I will be thinking of all of you on Tuesday and always.

Erica said...

I will be thinking of you Tues as well. I keep thinking of what we can do on Noelle's supposed to be birth date.

The Scotts said...

Always love your posts.

Los Torrientes said...

Wow. That's a tender little mercy. I really wanted to donate breastmilk in honor of Jackson and Claire. My goal was to have a sufficient amount by Tuesday so I could mail you guys a card and let you know that some babies are being nurtured in their honor. I am SO sad that I'm not a milk machine. I could never get enough in the 3 month time limit (without pumping all day), and I want to cry having to tell you. :( But, I am spreading the word about breastmilk donation and they are mailing me info so I can hand help be a recruiter. Instead of milk, I donating $ to support the great cause. Only wish I could do more. Thinking of you guys always, but especially on Tuesday. And remembering how blessed we have been to have Merrick and Stella. I will kiss my babies even more (if that's possible) that day.

Kathleen said...

Kelly, I'm so glad this ethereal moment of both joy and sorrow was yours thanks to the event that inspired it. Jackson and Trey are very close, I feel. And I feel that Jackson and Claire are always watching over all of you.

Anonymous said...

I knew the day was coming but didn't know it was yesterday, I wish I would have given you a huge hug when you stopped by my house last night.

Your family never ceases to amaze me, you are all so strong and loving. I loved being able to spend time with you all on Monday. You two are amazing parents... I'm watching and taking notes! Love to you all