Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Christmas Remembrances & New Years Reflections

     An abrupt, tender surprise during our Christmas tree decorating: Ornaments with Claire and Jackson's photos, made as gifts in past years to help us get through the holiday without them. A sweet, sad surprise. What a great gift! Highly recommend them.
     Trey holding the ornament depicting his older brother, without whose death Trey would not have been born, brought happy feelings. Trey has been my light, my joy, the energy pushing my life forward. If I didn't have him to hang the ornament, it may look more dismal and less glittery. I'm so blessed that I have been able to bear children after losing them. It's not a gift that I ever take for granted. Just yesterday I was out running up a windy path overlooking the ocean and I had to pause in gratitude. I was thankful - I am thankful I'm alive and happy enough to take in such scenes:

I think of my body growing 6 intricate little beings, conceiving 8, being cut open 3 different times to deliver them; it's amazing that I can run! It's a testament to the power of the human body to heal and regenerate, and to the human spirit to heal and deepen. My life is deeper in love because of my babies dying. I hold parenting in highest respect - even here in Washington where many people look down at stay at home moms. (Yes, I am in Washington now! That's another post in itself.)  I admire families that have buried little ones. I feel so much love for them! I feel like you are my own family. Your kids are with my kids. Your trials take similar outlines as mine.
Now I'm rambling. So here is a very late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all! I love the baby loss community. I don't blog often, but there isn't a day that I don't think of the kids - both my own and others'.

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