Trey's Baby Blessing- Oct 18, 2010

My mom made him his blessing outfit. It will be special for him to always treasure it, knowing it was handcrafted by his grandmother who loves him so much. Also, his Aunt made him the little white tie to go with it! SO nice of her, because I wanted to make him one, but we all know that if I don't even keep up on the blog I certainly won't take time to make a tie from scratch!

Most of our family was able to be there for it and we were really grateful. An LDS baby blessing is a short prayer-like ceremony where the dad, surrounded by men close to him and the baby, officially gives the baby a name and then follows it with a blessing for his/her life ahead. It's usually done closer to birth, but we didn't want to take Trey to church (tons of germs) until a few weeks ago so his was slightly delayed.

The blessing was short and sweet, as they say. It was so wonderful to sit there listening and know it was for my own child. It's been so long...

We gave Claire a name and blessing in the hospital. It was just me, her dad and her grandfather. I'm grateful we were able to do that, as poor Jackson missed out on this rite of passage. But how much sweeter to offer a blessing on a life ahead here on earth rather than one passed already into a vague, timeless place we can't see much of.

Usually I cry at blessings. It's just hard. I am so happy for family's to grow and have that special experience, but it only brings back the horrible deaths of my children and what they missed out on. This time I did not cry! You'd think I would, but no. I am so happy to have him here and be able to give this to him that any type of tears were kept far away last Sunday.

My husband was thoughtful. He wanted Trey to have white flowers on his blessing day. With our first child, the morning of his blessing we came out front to a bloom of white flowers spouting from our cactus! We didn't even know that thing bloomed! But there was a sweet bouquet for our son on his blessing day.

Also for our daughter that cactus got sentimental and bloomed! Weird. It did it on Easter too...But that's another story. So my husband wanted Trey to have white flowers like our older 2. This was the only bouquet at the store so he bought it. Look closely at the two stems.

There was a pink dragonfly and a green butterfly on the stems. My husband did not put them there. It came like that. I took this as a marvellous greeting from Trey's older passed on siblings. I took it to say that they were with us that day and they wanted us to know. What are the chances? The exact symbols we see for each of our children on special days/times. The colors even matched their genders, as my mom pointed out. I am SO thankful for this! It does wonders to sooth my heart when I get small reminders that my children live and even more, that they are a part of our family still - an active part who want us to know of their presence.

I hope this little bouquet will bolster those who have lost loved ones and don't know where or even if they are. I hope you too will be given a sweet message some day that you will know in your heart and mind is significantly tailored for you. Family's are forever, no matter what size or how they look on the surface.

So I haven't posted in forever. I know. I get flack for it all the time. Let me tell you why. My tank is running a little low. Having not slept through the night in almost 3 months, my brain is starting sputter.
Two weeks ago I took my daughter to dance at 4:45. Right as we pulled into the drive I remembered that it starts at 4:15. Woops!
I vowed to get her there on time the next week. And I did. As I drove away her teacher called. "Kelly, her class is tomorrow." Woops!
Last week I sent my husband to pick up my son from scouts at 7:00. After he left I started getting several phone calls from his leader and a few buddies. Where was I? I wasn't usually late. Woops! Even though he's been going for several months I suddenly forgot that scouts ends at 6:45.
What else?? Made a friend I haven't seen in forever wait for 25 min at our lunch destination because I was sure it was a half hour later than it really was...even though she'd sent me a text with the time that morning! 
I cooked biscuits in the oven, then went upstairs to get my laptop. Ended up making the bed, cleaning up, etc and getting dry, burnt biscuits for lunch.
My short term memory is fried. I have had more late fees for bills than ever in my life. I may not feel that terrible, but my actions show that my body is wearing out! 
So when I actually have extra time, I don't get on the computer. I clean. My house is nasty and has been desperately calling to me for a while now! A few days ago I took 8 bags of stuff to DI, a thrift store. That felt great. I already have another one full, and more to come. I figure if I can't keep it all clean/organized, let's just get rid of everything! I tried to convince my husband that the shedding dog should go along with the rest of the giveaways, but he's not convinced this isn't just 3 years of pregnancies and sleep deprivation talking. 
The good news is that I really don't care that much about all my blonde moments these days. I hold my growing, warm baby and I am soooo thankful for him. I am so grateful he's with us. I see his siblings in him and think, how can they matter any less? How can the world think they don't count as much when they had the same little cheeks, or head shape, or feet, or brow? They are not lost to me. I'm so thankful to have their brother to raise. I can't express my gratitude. My priorities are so different than they were before I lost babies. Everything is more simple and clear now. Even if I can't remember most of it!